Emotional mess
I am night and day.
I am off or on.
Yup, I am like the ocean and the mountains crashing together. I am a mess. My 2016 has been a mess of activities, from realizing in the spring my mother's pancreatic cancer radiation treatment didn't work at all, hearing my mother tell me she is dying, the death of my mother a.k.a my best friend, ending up in the hospital with my daughter, peri menopause, menopause and post menopause happened, selected to under go a tax audit, realize the best friends I thought I had are not, tests have shown that my hip joint is abnormal and will require cortisone shots to function, working two jobs, along with being a mother of three in three different schools and wife. I can honestly say I am done with 2016.
Looking at all the changes that happened without my permission - I must have gratefulness. I must find the gratefulness, otherwise, I will fall off the deep end. So as we lead into Thanksgiving, I will find my grateful heart even though I instinctually want to act like a two year old and throw a tantrum.
Here is my grateful heart:
1. I have an amazing husband who loves me and my children to the moon and back.
2. I have three sisters and have really spend some concentrated time with them this summer which never happens (ever). I also had concentrated time with my baby sister in her home city.
3. I am loved unconditionally by my in-laws, husband's siblings and they remind me of that love daily.
4. I work for a two lawyers that are amazing and supportive along with very flexible.
5. I have a best friend/hairdresser who has kept in check during the roughest months after my mother died.
6. I have seen results with the cortisone shots.
7. I have really started to develop new relationships with girlfriends that have been quiet previously.
8. I am finally at peace with realizing that not every relationship is good and letting the bad relationships go.
9. Ice hockey season has started which warms my heart.
10. I have realized it's time to change my life up.
11. I love change and change is coming.
As we lead into my first holiday season with my best friend, I will open my heart and lead into the Lord. He has some heavy weight to carry in me.
